Let me explain the title a little bit- Caffeine kept me up tonight so I could spend the time I probably wouldn't have given myself during the day-to figure out what about this problem was bothering me so much-through prayer and reading scripture. I'm just going to attach what I wrote to gabby b/c i feel like it summed everything up pretty nicely...
Gabby,
I want to start out by saying thank you. I tend to be a reserved person and it takes me time to really get comfortable around people but you have been so solid for me this past year. I'm writting to you now because I want to ask a favor of you. Since I've come to A&M there have been about three major things I have dealt with and found God's will for me in. First it was the decision of PA school which I can say now after years of prayer that without a shadow of a doubt that is where God wants me. The second is my future marriage. It took me until my best friend started dating a guy- leaving me with time to either pity myself of delve deeper into prayer over my future- to realize that God knows my heart for marriage and children and he will provide me who I need when I need it. The third is having a heart for missions and God has/and is constantly working on me with that- giving me, the quite one, the boldness I need to really talk to the ones I love- and even those I don't really know- about how amazing, loving, and forgiving my savior is. Recently though, I guess ever since the trip, I have had such a hard time getting a person out of my head- I started really praying about it this whole last week and it wasn't until tonight that I realized why. Partly because I had a whole bunch of caffine tonight but partly because of this bombardment that I feel like satan is attacking me with- I couldn't sleep (As you can probably tell by the email time its about 5am)so I started writting down exactly what I was dwelling on to try to get my thoughts organized, while I was doing this I kept looking up at the wall near my bed that I have some of my favorite scripture on. All of them that I was reading dealt with living a life for Christ and not for the world or for man. (2 Cor 5:15, 2 Tim 2:4 etc) and that really began to burden me about my future (husband/boyfriend/etc)- not the who, what, or where that I had dealt with in the past but the why and how. For the last two weeks I have been doing Jen's study on becoming citizens of heaven- living for God not for the world, and reading "Don't Waste your life" again about living for God and not for man. Well tonight it all kind of came together and I realized what was really bothering me was I didn't feel like I was prepared for a future relationship if God was to give one to me now. Last summer I read the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers and I saw yet again God's amazing agape love but what struck me the most was that I saw myself in the character at the end. I saw myself easily getting lost in a guy- putting all my hope, trust, and devotion in a man and not in God anymore. Well it is almost a year since I have realized it and I still haven't done anything about it. I was looking at Jen's blog the other day and followed the link to the hendricks blog and followed yet another link to Heather's "Her Hands" blog which seems to have all the material on it. I guess the point of this email, other than letting you know where I am right now as far as struggles (in a very long and drawn out way ;) )is to ask you if you would do the Her Hands with me, help me prepare myself- do my part- for whoever god has in store for my future. If we could get together one day a week at any time really- lunch/ afternoon/ evening/whenever to go over the weeks "lesson" and to learn from you what you have learned from experience, God, the Bible, etc. that has prepared you for marriage and for becoming the wife you are today- who is able to put God above your husband. I would really appreciate it. I'm sorry this is so long- its probably pretty jumbled too :)
In Christ
sarah
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